Some days we end up in a position where we aren’t in control… ok perhaps we aren’t ever in control – but you know what I’m talking about, the days that you feel dazed and trapped.
I’m having one of those days as I type this, in an auto service center waiting room.
There are thousands of places I’d rather be… things I’d rather be doing. Yet in this forced waiting I am lucky enough to have something to do. Write to you!
How about when we are working – what are the things that drive you crazy about your lack of control?
I have my own list; I’d suggest you begin to uncover your own.
It’s only step one if you think about it; understanding the people, places, and things that make you feel out of control.
Although you may initially think it’s people who make you feel out of control, instead as you think of the person – what is the behavior or situation that goes on. Oh, don’t get me wrong, we all have people who seem to push our buttons, yet I’d suggest the behavior in anyone would annoy you.
Break your list down into the “things” that incite that lack of control feeling vs. leaving it at the person!
If we know what gives us the feeling, then we can begin to recognize the frustration of mental captivity early on. Better yet to know what it feels like BEFORE we are frustrated.
In my experience, that is the key to not getting all the way to frustration. Catching myself before I am frustrated – short tempered – angry (that’s my personal progression anyway).
I’d say that knowledge is step two.
Then step three is to have tools to transform the feeling of mental captivity. Tools to change those feelings into something else. For me even resignation is better for my mental health and human interactions.
Here are a few of my personal tools:
- When I notice something that tends to get under my skin – I let the person know “hey, _______ really drives me crazy – it’s not you that is frustrating me its insert the situation specifics.”
- At the beginning of a conversation, tell the people involved what you’re frustrated with: the situation itself.
- B r e a t h e – it’s amazing how a deep breath helps me… then acknowledge the feeling without blame (sometimes that is troublesome for me).
- Ask for a reschedule, the ability to walk away and regroup both emotionally & mentally.
- Make sure you have the tools you need to endure (like having my laptop here with me this morning).
Regardless of the tools in your personal tool box, the important things are:
- To have the tools you need.
- Identify which is most appropriate/helpful.
- Use them before you get to the point you’re frustrated… or beyond.
Even knowing all this, there are times I fail miserably and allow myself to become a prisoner of my own mental captivity… usually an apology is required.
Yours in freedom,
Lynn
ps: drop me a note with what works for you when you’ve begun practicing unlocking your own mental cage!
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