Are you REALLY listening? (video)

My definition of a conversation is an exchange of ideas between people.

Exchange – means the other person has to be listening AND so do you.  Out of curiosity, when is the last time you REALLY felt listened to?

It’s crazy that when I ask that question – most people have to really THINK about their answer. Most of the time we don’t feel listened to.

Especially at work…

The art of listening begins with not talking!

Silence is the space you leave for the other person in a conversation.

THINK

• When someone first answers the phone, their brain, typically, is still on what they were doing BEFORE they answered – give them a moment.
• If you’ve asked an insightful question, silence allows your prospect to develop their answer.

SPEAK

• A sales conversation is NOT a presentation – don’t make it into a monologue!
• Interupting annoys everyone – on the phone it’s especially tough because you can’t SEE what is going on in their world.

SHARE

• After asking a question, give them an opportunity to answer.
• It is amazing what happens when we give people time to share. They’ll tell us more than we ever could imagine.

Which means we have to begin by giving them our ATTENTION!

Listen is a verb.

The action it takes is mental.

Merriam Webster’s second definition of listen is “to hear something with thoughtful attention.”

There is a LOT going on in both your mind and your prospect’s mind as you’re talking. 

A lot of people think listening is only about tone of voice and words. I’ve seen lots of ways that communication is broken down into its parts: 55% non-verbal, 38% tone of voice, 7% words.

Which means “a penny for your thoughts” isn’t far off – they are only worth 7 cents on every dollar!

Also, on the surface, this seems to mean that on the phone we’re missing the boat! It is amazing we get anything accomplished if we only have 45% of communication at our disposal. Of course, we all know that isn’t true.

Let’s think about listening for that other 55%.

Yes, you heard me right; listening for NON-verbal communication. I believe – if we’re listening intently AND are completely present in a conversation – we can HEAR the non-verbal messages our customers and prospects are sending. 

Need examples of what you might hear?

Eyes Rolling – Exasperation – Distraction – Leaning Forward in Anticipation – Lack of Organization – Facial Expression (like a smile or grimace) – Gestures (throwing hands up, pointing, air quotes)

Three Things To Remember:

1. Listening is a skill – practice it.
2. Silence doesn’t have to be uncomfortable
3. Knowing yourself makes it easier

Still practicing myself,
Lynn

P.S. Free inside sales tip – the mute button is your friend! If you ask a question and put yourself on mute, it gives the other person an extra second or two while you’re unmuting yourself. I’m always amazed at what I learn as I begin to unmute myself… and they resume talking!