Last week’s Chip off the Block brought up the idea of Underlying Automatic Commitments (beliefs or judgments which we hold on to about ourselves, our environment, and those around us).
This week I’m going to ask you to play What’s the WORST thing that can happen?
Step 1 = choose something you’ve been avoiding
Step 2 = find someone you’ll take coaching from, someone you trust to play along
Step 3 = have them ask you “What’s the WORST thing that can happen?” over and over again…
Step 4 = They ask one final question “So the reason you aren’t ________ is that you might (1st answer) and (last answer)?
Need an example?
Salesperson: I still haven’t talked to my boss…
Lynn: Why not?
Salesperson: I am sure I’m going to lose my temper.
Lynn: What’s the WORST thing that can happen if you lose your temper?
Salesperson: He’ll lose his too.
Lynn: What’s the WORST thing that can happen if your boss loses his temper?
Salesperson: We’ll get into a screaming match.
Lynn: What’s the WORST thing that can happen if you get into a screaming match?
Salesperson: I’ll get written up.
Lynn: What’s the WORST thing that can happen if you get written up?
Salesperson: I’ll get fired?
Lynn: What’s the WORST thing that can happen if you get fired?
Salesperson: I’ll come back to confront him.
Lynn: What’s the WORST thing that can happen if you come back to confront him?
Salesperson: I’ll chicken out and sit in my car in the parking lot.
Lynn: What’s the WORST thing that can happen if you chicken out and sit in my car in the parking lot?
Salesperson: I’ll run him over.
~ she DID chuckle at the absurdity when she said that ~
Lynn: Keep going: What’s the WORST thing that can happen if you run him over?
Salesperson: I’ll kill him
Lynn: So the reason you didn’t talk with your boss is that you might lose your temper and kill him?
Salesperson: ok, that is ridiculous when you ask it THAT way.
I believe that all of that (perhaps not to the running him over answer when she chuckled) was actually going on in the salesperson’s head.
Without saying it all out loud, it wasn’t REAL, yet it was stopping her from having an important – while difficult – conversation with her boss.
Every day we negotiate with ourselves; at times we hold ourselves accountable and other times we rationalize why we aren’t going to do something.
Just like with last week’s Underlying Automatic Commitments – the key is to make sure our internal negotiations are KNOWINGLY decided on rather than unknowingly accepted.
Knowingly yours,
Lynn