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What AREN’T You Asking Yourself

I recently had to confront… myself.

I will not get into specifics – there is something I’m not doing and I know how important it is to my success. Yet there it is NOT being done. Plus, when I get around to it – it’s a half-hearted attempt or I’m going through the motions to appease my conscience (aka guilt about not doing “it”).

Just in case you too have an “it” yourself – here is my process:

  1. I realize consciously that I’m holding myself back. No not something I like to admit, but it is necessary before I can get over whatever is going on. Most importantly, I need to NOT wallow!!! Whether in pity… guilt… self-loathing… disappointment. You get the idea.

    Figure out that YOU are what is stopping you, then immediately move on to step two.
  2. Why am I not _________________? I’ll refer, once again, to Dr. Hannah Rudstam’s Can’t, Won’t, Don’t Know How model.
    • Can’t – is this something I’m completely unable to do?
      • Personally?
      • Is there an organizational roadblock?
    • Won’t – am I capable, and have the skills and knowledge I need, yet NOT doing what needs to be done?
    • Don’t Know How – is there a missing skill set or lack the know-how that I need?

Think about the differences for yourself. When looking at something you don’t want to do or that makes you uncomfortable… do you to tell yourself “nope I’m not willing to do that” OR is it easier to say “I’m not able to do that” OR “I don’t know how to do that”?

For the record… most of the time my “it” falls under the won’t category – not always, not every time, yet usually, I’m the one holding myself back. So it’s time for some self-coaching!

  1. What is holding me back? I have two I look at first; for me personally, it’s a fear of failure and my desire for perfection. Although those two aren’t always my answer – they both come up often enough in my life to examine first.

    You probably have a couple of things that crop up for you as well, it pays to look to them – then move on to other options if that’s not it.
  2. How can I move forward despite _________? Notice I’m not going for the BIG eliminate what’s holding me back answer. First, I know that is beyond what I can do with self-coaching. Second, it isn’t something I can do instantly and get to what I need to be doing for my own success.

    This doesn’t mean I’m not working to overcome my fear of failure or my desire for perfection. It means I am going to take action in spite of them!
  3. What am I willing to do today? There it is! ACTION. Something I can do and complete today. If you scroll back up you’ll notice I started this all with the fact there is something I’m not doing.

    It may seem crazy that we are using Newton’s First Law of Motion “An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion…” for success!
  4. What am I willing to commit to doing every day this week? Making an action commitment means I’m going to stay in motion!

I’ll also share that for me; self-coaching doesn’t always work and I need an actual coach to work with me before I’m able to move forward.

  • I might need an accountability partner, so I don’t take the easy path back to what I wasn’t doing.
  • I may need another person to call me on my own bulls#!t.
  • Sometimes I don’t want to admit something to myself and need it drawn out of me in a conversation.

No matter what – I know that the only failure is in NOT taking actions that will move me forward toward my own definition of success.

Still a work in progress,

ps: if you need a coach to help you move past something, click reply and we can set up a conversation to explore working together. That can be your answer to #5!

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