The Stories We Tell Ourselves

In Colleen Stanley’s new book Emotional Intelligence for Sales Leaders, this line struck me as critical!

“When you dig deeper in the root cause of emotional reactions, you will find that most emotions are created by the stories salespeople tell themselves. We are all great writers of fiction…”

Critical because there are all types of fiction we write for ourselves. Here are the three that pop up from time to time, I’m sure you can think of more:

Happy Ears

Lynn: I just had the BEST conversation with a new prospect, they’ve got a project coming up that is perfect for what we do. (clapping to myself)
Sales Manager: if you hadn’t called – who would they be working with?

Lynn: I don’t know…
Sales Manager: ok when will they be starting the work?

Lynn: I don’t know…
Sales Manager: how will they decide who to go with?

Lynn: I don’t know…
Sales Manager: why didn’t you ask any qualifying questions?

Lynn: I don’t know… well I was just so excited to finally talk with someone and they needed something I can help with…

Here is the crazy thing – and I don’t think it’s an inside sales thing – when we hear some or all of the right things from a prospect or customer, a story begins to form in our head.

The happy ears story is the one where we’ve already been chosen as the vendor and successfully delivered making them into a happy, repeat customer.

Two things (maybe more) happen because of this story creation:

1. We are in our heads NOT paying attention and actually listening to the prospect.
2. We don’t ask any questions because, in our story all the answers are the ones we want to hear.

That One Time

I will share that the fiction I hear most often from salespeople on why they don’t do a specific sales activity or ask a particular question is: using the ONE time it didn’t work – as their forever excuse.

Version 1 sounds like “I tried that once and it didn’t work.”

Version 2 is the “well I used to do that, then insert bad thing here happened when I used the technique, so I don’t’ do it anymore.”

These both exasperate me. I truly roll my eyes – Ever. Single. Time.

1. When did anyone master a new technique, skill, question the very first time they used it?
   I’m not kidding – does anyone really believe a FIRST attempt is when to judge proficiency?
2. Let’s imagine for a moment that you do something successfully 1,000 times – then fail once. Even if you succeed TEN times and fail once, does it truly make sense to quit because of that one failure?

Worst Case Scenarios

I play worst-case scenario with my coaching clients – making them tell me the worst thing that could happen if they do something that they’re afraid of or concerned about.

Here is my all-time favorite.
 
Salesperson: I don’t want to talk with my boss about that.
Lynn: why not?

Salesperson: I might lose my temper.
Lynn: what’s the worst thing that would happen if you lose your temper?

Salesperson: I’ll yell.
Lynn: ok, what’s the worst thing that could happen if you yell?

Salesperson: He’ll yell back.
Lynn: what’s the worst thing that would happen if he yells back?

Salesperson: I’ll storm off and not be professional.
Lynn: what’s the worst thing that would happen if you storm off and be unprofessional?

Salesperson: I’ll get madder & madder.
Lynn: what’s the worst thing that could happen if you get madder & madder?

Salesperson: I might confront him in the parking lot after work.
Lynn: although unlikely, what’s the worst thing that could happen if you confront him in the parking lot after work?

Salesperson: I’d run him over. (chuckles a little)
Lynn: (chuckles right back) what’s the worst thing that could happen if you run him over.

Salesperson: he’ll die & I’ll go to jail.
Lynn: Ok so in your head you don’t want to talk with your boss about ____ because if you do, you’ll end up running him over in the parking lot after work – killing him & going to jail?

Salesperson: (laughs) you know what – I think that is why I didn’t want to talk with him; I kept making up worst case scenarios in my head. Granted I didn’t kill him in my stories but…
 
Here is the deal – it is NEVER very likely that the very worst-case scenarios will happen, the joy in exploring them is to figure out what’s holding you back. Saying things out loud removes them from your subconscious and puts them into your conscious mind – where we have the ability to change the story you’re telling yourself.

“Perception is a way of regarding or interpreting an event or situation. The problem is the interpretation isn’t based on data or facts.”

Is another quote that struck me as critical in sales and in life.
 
Checking my own perceptions,
Lynn
 
ps: if you need someone to play the worst-case scenario game with – click reply and we’ll set up a time.